Top News

“When they tell you ‘there is no heartbeat’ it is the worst moment of your life”

“When they tell you ‘there is no heartbeat’ it is the worst moment of your life,” recalls Sandra López, who lost her son last year. She was 37 weeks pregnant and suddenly Victor’s heart stopped. From there the script that the whole family had planned changed. Sandra appreciates that her gynecologist advised her, without pressure, to give birth vaginally. Although at that time she only wanted to get out of the situation quickly with a cesarean section, it was important for her physical and emotional recovery.

But from then on she felt what many families whose children die before they are born report: the social pressure to forget. “People can’t stand you talking about him or her.” There is a kind of moral obligation to turn the page with phrases like “you will get pregnant again”, although in reality “children are not cards that you can exchange”.

Precisely with the idea of ​​accompanying this grieving process, the association ‘A Contracor’ was born in a pandemic at the Catalan level. In October of last year a group of mothers opened the Tarragona office. The entity deals with accompanying women who have had to interrupt their pregnancy for medical or personal reasons, although in Tarragona they also welcome mothers whose children have died before birth.

Mercé Arts is, along with Sandra, one of the founders of the entity. She terminated her daughter Marina’s pregnancy when she was 21 weeks pregnant. The doctors told her that the baby was not growing and could not develop. Further analysis would show that it was a genetic problem. Marta, who is pregnant again, went to a private gynecologist who dragged her feet at the time of the interruption. She, in the midst of shock, had to start a pilgrimage to find out on her own what the process should be like. All with time against it, since from 22 weeks to interrupt the pregnancy it is necessary to go through a medical tribunal. It must also be taken into account that there are professionals who can refuse the procedure due to conscientious objection. In the midst of that struggle, Marta could not say goodbye to Marina as she would have liked. “We don’t want any family to go through what ours had to go through,” she notes.

The lullabies that are prepared to wrap babies in the hospital when they are born. PHOTO: NM.

In the entity they are in charge of advising on the aspects related to the interruption. “Even if a doctor explains it to you, you appreciate being told by another mother who went through the same thing,” they point out. They also do it with women who have decided to interrupt the pregnancy for other non-medical reasons and who do not usually have anyone to discuss their situation with.

They carry out both mutual aid groups and individual support for families in need.

In addition to direct care for families, the other great leg of her work is sharing her experiences with the health personnel who have to accompany families at the time of giving birth to a deceased baby. For this they have elaborated some bags that contain a lullaby and a hat. Sewn mostly by mothers and grandmothers who have been through the same situation, they have four different sizes depending on the weeks of pregnancy. It is also a material symbol that their son was born and they clothed him. Many mothers have found that the first and only time they see their baby they are delivered in a disposable underpad. “It is something that they would never do with a living baby,” they lament.

They emphasize the importance of families having the opportunity to take photos to have a memory. It is something that many do not think of at the time and later regret. “These are things that heal you. They (the mothers of the group) were my salvation, because there are things that you don’t even talk about with your partner… You can’t get over it, but you learn to live with it,” Sandra concludes.

  • duel
  • prenatal mourning
  • pregnancy
  • Health
  • mental health
  • To Contracor
  • Tarragona

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Back to top button